just nineteen

it's really funny how different things stick to your mind and after years they are so mixed with each other. together, they make this strange cloud of your fantasies, facts, dreams, feelings, emotions, colours... everything.

that's how it is for me and placebo, oscar wilde, first year of high school, snowing in april and the great creation of basil who i still call my alter-ego and who has grown into byebasil in the 'real' virtual world.

it's also the way how two sping weekends of 2003 merged in one.

ok.
spring has already started. it was the end of march or first week of april, can't remember. the year... 2003.
yes, 'sleeping with ghosts', which is for most of placebo fans the most important album, had it's premiere. my friends and i left school early of friday and tried to make most of first sping signs in the city. and as i was crazy about stealing posters from the streets i took off the placebo one from some wall. then we went to the biggest music store in warsaw and i asked them if they could give me a now poster instead of the stolen one, because mine is a bit broken and i'd love to have a nice poster. they said no. well...

the merged part of that memory is that i also remember a meeting with my friend from the polish depeche mode board, which also took place somewhere during that days, who also loved placebo. we went to that same store on friday, i had the same poster. there was a meeting with our favourite music journalist at the time - piotr stelmach.
after that i came back home, packed and my parens and i left for mazury (district in poland with lots of lakes and woods). we were almost there when it started to snow. so heavy! we drove into this white tunnel of snow, of the biggest snowflakes i have ever seen! and yes, it was april.
we got to the cottage house, warmed by the fireplace and before i went to sleep i started reading 'picture of dorian grey'. the next day was totally surreal. i was waking this long wood road to the lake, it started to snow again and i was listening to marc almond's 'stranger things'. i remember listening to song called 'glorious' and i have felt glorious as well. came back to the house, finished the book, unpacked my notebook and pen and started writing. i finished at about 4am but my favourite story was finished. it was the story of basil, a teenager who is madly in love with an older woman. suddenly he loses consciousness in a bus and wakes up at her place.

and placebo was at that time a really alternative band. brian was like a god child of david bowie. his make ups and dresses were so exciting to watch, thinking that you can't get more... i dunno, strange? but there was a part of me that wished to become a boy and start being like brian, to paint my nails black and wear tones of make up. and be so undefined.

alright. the music.






oh and what i wanted to tell you all by this note..
placebo for me is now like a teenage fantasy. when i say placebo i automatically go on a jurney to my teeange years. and i don't want to cry out that "i'm getting old.." but the truth is that i am. and the older i get, the harder it gets to have all of those fantasies. but the most important thing is to never stop.
N E V E R S T O P.
because one day you will wake up as the old, bitter person with no dreams in your head.
ok, i know, you won't pay your bills with the dreams (that would be cool, eh?) but being old and bitter is something i hope i will never be.

we all need to have a bit of kitten in ourselves.