Then I see you standing there

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Try... Try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people, are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try ohh try
Try... Try... Try... Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be, we never will be
And that's wonderful, that's life




perfect.

Sufjan, follow the path

Vesuvius
I am here
You are all I have
Fire of fire
I'm insecure
For it is all
Been made to plan
Though I know
I will fail
I cannot
Be made to laugh
For in life
As in death
I'd rather be burned
Than be living in debt

Vesuvius
Are you ghost
Or the symbols of light
Or a fantasy host?
In your breast
I carry the form
The heart of the Earth
And the weapons of warmth

Vesuvius
The tragic oath
For you have destroyed
What the elegants know
Oracle, I've fallen at last
But they were the feast
Of a permanent blast

Vesuvius
Oh, be kind
It hasn't occurred
No it hasn't been said
Sufjan, follow the path
It leads to an article of imminent death
Sufjan, follow your heart
Follow the flame
Or fall on the floor
Sufjan, the panic inside
The murdering ghost
That you cannot ignore

Vesuvius
Fire of fire
Follow me now
As I favor the host

Vesuvius
Fire of fire
Follow me now
As I favor the ghost

Vesuvius
Fire of fire
Follow me now
As I favor the host

Vesuvius
Fire of fire
Follow me now
As I favor the ghost

Vesuvius
Fire of fire
Follow me now
As I favor your host

Vesuvius
Fire of fire
Follow me now
As I favor the ghost

Vesuvius
Fire of fire
Follow me now
As I favor the ghost

Follow me now
Or follow down

Why does it have to be so hard?
Follow me now
Or follow me down

Why does it have to be so hard?
Follow me now
Or follow me down

Why does it have to be so hard?

and i am not sorry for this part of me

i've discovered why this song (below) is so awesome - because it's like anony's and patrick's collaboration. YEY!

As we fall back into the impossible dream

it's true. your old love never dies.

Is this forever, ever?


this album is like a definition of autumn.

lately i've been riding a bike, close to my home, but i have gone into different direction than usually. I have found a park, one that i have never seen before. i only knew it was there, but it never seemed to be any interesting for me. until then. i got there in the evening. the only colour that can describe the weather and time of day is grey. all around couples were sitting on benches, staring into each other eyes. it was like the best place for a date. first date. or one of the very first meetings. it was pure magic. nobody was checking on others.
i started thinking about 'the magic position'. and while i was looking on those couples music was playing in my head... now that the dreams are all coming true, who is the one that leads me on through..? IT'S YOU!



and isn't marianne a beautiful name?

love letters straight from your heart. Pt. I

two days ago i went to my first uni (i have mentioned it some time ago that i have not only studied cultural but albo animal sciences). I have not been there since 2006, the last day i remebmer was some exam i took in september. and right after it i started taking my driving lessons. two years later - in 2008 - i got a letter from the university saying that i have been removed from students lists. what a surprise! But my documents (A levels summary and high school diloma) have stayed there for all these years. I didn't need them (had copies), so why bother.. suddenly, on monday i thought that maybe i should go there and go on a little music journey to 2005/2006. i made an apoitment with dean's office fon wenesday.

what did i listen to in 2005? what was my biggest inspiration and love?
antony of course!
i have met someone who loved antony as much as me, and while we were seeing each other for few autumn months we have both been sinking into antony more. i remember lying under the tree close to the uni on saturday, and listening to ant. i remember recording some of his b-sides and sharing them. and i remember one particular album i made. it was called 'the origin of angry inch' (yep, hedwig). the song i have put there were:
1. perry como - catch a falling star
2. eM - to wigh impossible things (the cure cover) here
3. cabaret - electric chair song here
4. the black lips (antony's cabaret) - love letters
5. antony - virgin mary
6. royksopp - what else is there
7. INXS - by my side
8. army of lovers - obsession
9. rafal olbrychski - slodko gorzki here
10. hedwig ost - the origin of love
11. hedwig ost - angry inch
12. hedwig ost - wig in a box
13. hedwig ost - midnight radio
14. coldplay - fix you

soooooo, on wenesday, when i went to the far far far university i was listening to it, but somehow i forgot to put antony's songs onto the playlist. i was riding round the city for good few hours, because i needed to collect some stupid stamps from few libraries, and the whole time i was missing something. i felt absolutley nothing when i saw the campus and the ugly blue, green and red buildings. when i finally finished my adventure with the worst university i have ever heard of, when i finnaly grabbed my docs and left building number 23 'animal sciences building', when i got on the underground and changed the playlist, i randomly put ant on. and then i felt it. a big big kick of memories. i was tranfered to september 2005, i was meeting my ex gf and listen to antony, i was writing what he wrote on his cheek and taking pics, i was thinking that his name would be the one i could tattoo on my body (what i did last year finally), i was thinking that it's so amazing that ant sings my heart out. i kinda fell in love with him. i had dreams with him and about him. he was singin just for me. i went to mazuria and lied on the hammock in the woods and was listening to 'frankenstein', to 'just one star', 'a man needs a maid' and to other rare songs.
and for years frankenstein has become the greatest love song i have ever heard:



just to mention, i was coming home yesterday, after a very good day at the production and of course i listened to antony on the underground. i fucking started to cry. i know, i'm too old for that kind of shit, but he really melts me, he breaks me into thousands little pieces.

you can check the greatest version of fistfull of love and where is my power here, on hennwill's bootleg from warsaw 2009: a kind of stream...